i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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