Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So vagazzling was a success
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
