Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
