her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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