my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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