Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
