Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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