I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
