Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
only if we run a train.
done.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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