Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
