You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
