Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
