I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
