I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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