Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
