Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
