hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
