One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
