I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
