It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
