So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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