Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
