There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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