i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
