My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
