You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
