omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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