i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
