Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
