I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
