Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just high enough for therapy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
