Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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