Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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