she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
