I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
