woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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