i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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