Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
