On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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