my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
