You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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