She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
