I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
