highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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