I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
