What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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