Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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