i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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