this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
