Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
