I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
